So, people keep asking me “How are you doing?”. My default answer has been l don’t know! Last night l thought back to the day l had the phone call to say my husband had secondary lung cancer and had days to live. I thought about the journey to the hospital and sitting with him. He then asked me to go home and get some rest as he needed me by his side to face his family who were on their way down from Kent. I sat in my room for an hour and was in total shock and couldn’t stop crying. Something then told me that l had to get back to the hospital. I asked my daughter in law to drive me back down and cried for the whole 45 minute journey. I sat by his side and within an hour and a half he left us. If l really think hard and remember those days after l can honestly say that things are different today. I cry at least once a day but l can do this and breathe which l could not do back then. I can get up and make myself a coffee and have a shower most days which l could not do back then. I miss him more everyday but each day that passes my sadness eases and yesterday l had a conversation with my friend and found myself laughing at the things he used to do and say! I didn’t want to remember anything about “us” before, but today l do. He is still my husband and my best friend. I will always miss him and always be his wife. Today l am having an ok day. Things are different and l just need to keep reminding myself of that.
Posted by kerkelkez at 2022-05-04 15:12:49 UTC