For the first few weeks I would think did I make this story up on my head. Is he really gone? Was he ever really in my life? Did I imagine everything? And then a punch in the chest and I come back to reality and tell myself yes, it’s all real it did happen. This is your life. I know now this is my life, and I think now that I’ve realized it I’m emotional again. More crying days again. Lost in my head again. Just yearning for his touch, his smell, his voice. Everything that I’m scared I’ll forget. I still ask him to come to me in my dreams. I look out the door way waiting for his shadow his silhouette. Just something to know he’s here. This new reality I dislike very much. This not knowing what my future holds. Not having one bit of control. He always told me, “stop stressing about things you can’t control”. I can’t seem to not stress or worry. We had a future planned out and now my future is dark and unsure.

Posted by meranda.martinez at 2022-08-15 04:16:22 UTC