hello, writing from Italy. I lost my grandfather two years ago and still hurts as the first day, obviously. I’ve learned that it doesn’t go away, time doesn’t heal and this is something that will hurt forever. I don’t have the energies to explain how he died and why i couldn’t attend his funeral, it’s just too much. I just wanted to know if I am the only one who started experiencing panic attacks after his death, i don’t know how to explain better but his death woke up like “hey everyone around you can suddenly die, you should spend every second worrying about who’s next”. and since that day i’m on survival mode, trying to spend all my time with my family so I won’t regret being not with them; I also found myself always angry towards my grandmother for no reason and I’ve understood that what my anger means is “I know that when your time will come it’ll hurt even more so i “hate” you because you’re gonna hurt me”. I just don’t feel like me anymore and I’m filled with pain, anxiety and sadness.
Posted by lulu at 2022-08-11 14:11:43 UTC