I was not expecting today's grief pothole. that's how I've been describing it. It's August, my dad's birthday month. He's still alive and kicking although halfway across the world from me. Next month is my mom's (and her mom's) birthday month. Mama would have been 78yrs. And then just before Christmas, just four short months away from now, it will be the first year without my beloved and my one and only Mama. I've done nothing since she passed. Nothing but exist. I've done nothing proper for her. The guilt is bearing down. Today I rearranged and tidied up her room a little, the altar I made for her. I shuffled through some of her things. I talked to her, to the universe, to God, to memories, to myself... to the part of me that carries my bond with her. I know I have to keep going. So I do... hobbled emotionally, needy, sometimes erratic, moody, grieving; sometimes unrecognizable; lonesome and sorry for her, for me as I'm missing her. these grief potholes can so easily, so effortlessly become grief sinkholes caving-in this so bruised heart.

Posted by jaymeerocmurphy at 2022-08-09 03:44:13 UTC