I’m having a really hard time not feeling guilty when I have moments of happiness or relief. When I’m enjoying myself or laughing, there’s a little voice in my head that says “don’t forget that your brother is dead.” I’m not sure what it is - maybe I’m afraid that I’ll somehow forget and then have to deal with the pain all over again? Or that I shouldn’t be enjoying myself because he can’t? Then each evening, I look at his photos as if I need to remind myself of the pain I feel - almost like I’m atoning for the sin of being happy. I’m fully aware that I’m allowed to be happy and that he would want me to be happy (my friends and family tell me all the time), but I just can’t get my heart and my head to accept it. 💔😞 because honestly, how can I be happy in a world that took my big brother from me?
Posted by Kyra Molinaro at 2022-07-24 02:12:03 UTC