The guilt feels lighter this week. I even had a brief conversation with my partner about how I have been feeling. I try to be mindful that seeing me grieve over my first love can be hard for him to take. He stayed up until 2 am to try and save some pictures of my deceased loved on onto an external hard drive. He didn’t have to do that but he knew it was something I needed to see and process. I was distressed the other day when I couldn’t find all the memories or couldn’t unlock my college hard drive. When he showed me the new one with everything inside, I was speechless. I guess in a way, I am feeling grateful. I like the life I have now and the people in it, and it wouldn’t have happened if we didn’t go our separate ways ten years ago. There was still so much love between us but a mutual understanding that we needed to love one another enough to let each other go. Being apart forced me to heal and grow into the person I am now. Of course, I would give anything to have him here still, earth-side. So grateful for his role in my journey. I love you so much, J. Thank you for loving me, thank you for being there. Forever you and me.🦋💙

Posted by mvricole at 2022-07-23 03:33:00 UTC