About closure with dying loved ones: . . Hello everyone! I lost my dear dad 6 months ago to duodenal cancer, which was diagnosed at the very last stage. He died five short weeks after his diagnosis. My dad (66) and I (33) loved each other very much and were very close. We hiked together a lot and shared many hobbies. However, when the cancer came, he decided to keep the severity of the diagnosis from me, because at that time I had my last very important university exams to pass. So I was told he had a treatable cancer, while in reality he was given months to live. During those weeks he avoided looking at me in the eyes, talking to me about medical matters and kept every conversation short: I felt something was wrong but couldn’t imagine I was being given misleading information. When I finally learned the truth, death was only a few days away because his conditions worsened suddenly. In the hospice, he chose not to have me by his side, begged me to go home and not stay with him. He then chose to be permanently sedated when there was no one in the room, and then he died alone one morning. This is how he chose to go. In the months that followed, I hoped so much to receive a written message from him but this never came. My father was the person I loved most, but now I somehow feel like I never really knew him, and feel disconnected from him. Logically I understand and respect his decision as an act of love and protection, but in my guts I’ve been so angry at him and I feel very lonely. I feel cheated and robbed of the last moments I could not spend next to him. I do not have the knowledge to understand death, and perhaps we - who are alive - cannot imagine how it really feels when death is near. Maybe, they begin their process of death with estrangement from the world, way before they finally go. Do anyone experienced similar thoughts in their grief? Thank you and I send a hug to the fellow grievers 😌

Posted by Nicoletta at 2022-07-22 21:55:31 UTC