*CW TW S*icidal ideation, intent* I lost my brother 5 weeks ago and I’m so lost without him. I’m the oldest sibling and he was the youngest. My parents are of course devastated at the loss of their son. My mother has stated many times that she doesn’t think she can go on and says, quite often that she wants to die. He died early in the morning and after they took his body my mom and I just sat in his house for hours. Finally she told me I should go home and get some rest and that she was going home too. I went home but felt so unsettled and anxious. I texted her and she said she was going back to his house. I kept thinking I needed to go check on her. She kept saying she was fine but I had a gut feeling I should go there. I didn’t tell her I was coming and I walked in and she had a gun in her hands. I hate to think what would have happened if I were a few minutes later or ignored that gut feeling and didn’t go. I continue to have nightmares about that gun. I understand that she is grieving the loss of her baby. She also has two other children: me and my brother. I am finding myself feeling SO ANGRY with her for her wanting to die when she knows firsthand how the loss of a close family member destroys their loved ones. My brothers death was an accidental overdose. I find myself so angry that she is considering doing this on purpose. I am also a mother. I’m devastated at the loss of my brother but I keep going because I HAVE TO for my son. Even if my mom decides not to end her life, I feel like I’ve already lost her. She stopped eating and has lost maybe 30 pounds in 5 weeks. She seems like she has given up. I’m actually a therapist and have suggested therapy and support groups to her. She believes that a therapist will try to “erase her son” so she refuses to go. I feel like I lost my brother and my parents all at once. I try to comfort them but they have no capacity to comfort me at all. Has anyone else experienced this anger at their parents after the loss of their sibling?
Posted by meleahbee at 2022-07-13 21:00:25 UTC