My grandpa passed a away a week and a half now and my grandma passed away two months now. Last Saturday was a religious holiday so we used to gather at my grandparents house. I didn't want to go but I pushed myself. I kept crying while walking up the stairs then wiped my tears and went in. When I entered the apartment it felt extremely strange I felt that their souls are around me I didn't see them but I felt it. I stayed alone in their room and hold their clothes then broke down crying non stop. The state where you feel elephant is stepping on your chest and you feel pain. I imagined them all around the place heard their voices , saw them in my head not in the house. Couldn't stay still and talk with my family. I wanted to scream like I want to leave this place there are hiding somewhere else or it felt like the walls are getting closer to me and I am gonna die. Before going up to the house I saw someone walking I thought he was my grandpa and when someone was opening the door with keys I thought it was him like he always did. I just don't know what's happening like I know they are gone but my mind react in a different way seeing them in people , find myself saying that they are here or think that they will come and see me. For the first time I hate holidays and feel envious of other people.

Posted by Rouii at 2022-07-12 21:24:38 UTC