Last post for today. I wrote the following about Grief - Grief is the 'I' in this piece: I lie low. I am patient in the nearly dark, awaiting a break in proceedings. I exist to remind you of what you miss, to hold the excess love you just can't lift on your own. It's my MO. I'll slip in there in between the dishes and the laundry, ambushing you through that song on the radio; those facebook posts; the slant of the sun across the patio.... anything I can muster to obliquely show you my shape without scaring you too much. Sorry about those early weeks - I am an apprentice at this still and I was too heavy handed. That night you crawled over the bedroom floor shouting - that was my mistake. I meant to be gentler, but lacked nuance and skill. You know that I'm your friend don't you? You still grimace when you see me and close your eyes against my stare - but I'm only checking in. Does it really hurt that much to look at me? Look. Now. No - really look. He's inside of me - waiting for you. I carry him around for you - didn't you know? That's my job. I've go to haul his weight around behind you until you can relieve me....any idea when that might be? It's very, very tiring. I could do with some respite when you're up for it? No. It's OK. I understand. That's fine. I'll hold onto him until you're ready my friend. When I hand him on, I'll hang around a while, just to be sure - and I'll still visit of course. I'll always be nearby....but you won't always need me as much and you'll grow used to my face. You may even find it beautiful one day. No. It's OK. I'm still here....see? You're beginning to warm to me already....

Posted by bellamadden at 2022-07-12 18:29:28 UTC