Today I was speaking with a friend and I was expressing to her how difficult and painful this grief experience has been. I had mentioned to her that there was an added layer to my grief after learning of a relationship Rouslan was having with someone else. It’s been hard and painful and I’ve felt stupid, I’ve felt like because I didn’t get to tell him I loved him before he died that that’s why he was with someone else and it’s my fault. Needless to say, there’s no hate in my heart and I don’t talk about this part of my grief journey out of fear of judgment. I don’t want people to say bad things about him because I loved him and I know that we had a special time together. I also know that it’s a complicated situation and the one person I wish I could talk to I can’t. I love Rouslan regardless and I recognize that there’s nothing I can do now. Anywho this friend of mine says oh well are you ready to start dating? I said no, he was my person and it’s not something I can even think about. She they says to me, well he was seeing someone else. And after hearing that I was left questioning if because of that information I learned after he died if that just negates the love, the care, and my struggle with grief? I was upset and I just let it go. 🥺😟☹️

Posted by jordmck09 at 2024-08-04 03:10:43 UTC