It was the anniversary of my lovely Glen’s death yesterday. It was not so hard as I thought it might be. I suppose I had been building up to it, relieving the time when he was in hospital and then the hospice at the end. It was all too short. Only 4 months after a cancer diagnosis. A lovely friend of both of ours had set the day aside for me in case I needed her and I decided we would go out together to visit a garden and that felt right. No one else seemed to remember the day. I have been reflecting on the changes in myself in the last year. It has been so hard and painful. I have had to get to know my strengths and weaknesses, to find ways to let myself swim through the waves of grief without drowning. To be kind to myself and to seek out things and people that will soothe and bring me some joy and solace. I have had to work at it, to treat myself as a patient in pain that I am trying to help. At the end of this year, I think I am a more serene, kinder, compassionate person. WhenI have been through what seems and what I hope is one of the worse events in my life, other things seem less important. Of course I will get stressed when something doesn’t work or breaks or needs fixing but it seems to matter less. And of course the sadness is always there. I have noticed this in other widows I have met this compassion and serenity. I hope I can maintain it.

Posted by judithnewson at 2022-07-03 10:33:26 UTC