This is a letter I wrote to my Mom. I feel I can share exactly how I'm feeling here. It's weird because I felt like a kid writing it instead of a 51 year old woman. Dear Mom, In 2 days it will be July 4th.  Our 2nd without you.  Every part of me hurts mentally and physically.  I had no idea your death would effect me like this. I have a hole in my heart I don't think I will ever recover from. I used to talk to M#######.  But I can't now. She's grown tired of me and has become irritated of me. Because of this I feel even more lost and alone.  I know you know this is going on.  I can feel you here.  At least I think I can.  For the last 3 weeks or so I seem to cry at a drop of a hat. I'm crying now as I write this.  I've also become to anxious and scared to eat.  My heart feels like it's beating out of my chest when I do eat. I know it's likely anxiety causing it all. I start Counseling at a new place next week. I don't feel I can get the help I need at the current place I'm at.  If I want to feel better and I do want to feel better. I'm going to need more help. And I can't do this by myself.  And I know it's okay that I can't be strong right now. They say the second year of a loved one's death is the worst and it's true.  I don't feel loved or cared about anymore. The loneliness feels like it's slowly killing me. I hope mentally I can recover. I hope I meet someone eventually that cares about me. I feel like I will when I  least expect it. Right now I know I'm not ready.  I know you sent the squirrel today, Mom. Love and miss you. Tracy

Posted by Tracy19701 at 2022-07-03 06:38:12 UTC