Hello. My father died this week. I hadn’t seen nor spoken to him in over 8 years. He lived in Thailand with his young daughter. Losing him has created such conflict, and such grief that I didn’t know I would feel. This has also caused more conflict with my brother. He and I don’t see eye to eye. He didn’t want to be involved with speaking to the embassy so I took that on. He didn’t seem to be interested in being kept updated, as his relationship with dad was just as fractious as mine was. My dad’s sister in law called me from Thailand this morning at 6am, they had arranged the funeral quickly and I didn’t realise it would be happening today. I was on a video call for nearly an hour as they completed a Buddhist ceremony. I posted about it on social media afterwards, so family and friends of my dad would know about it. My brother sent me a message and tore into me, and seemed to want to blame me for not telling him what was happening. He didn’t want to hear that I didn’t know. Perhaps I should have told him straight after, I don’t know, I’ve not exactly been thinking clearly this week. I can’t ever repair the relationship with my dad and the guilt and regret I feel is deep, and now I have those same feelings about my relationship with my brother. I’m struggling to deal with it all, and I feel so exhausted! Thank you for reading ♥️

Posted by tracy.reading at 2024-03-01 12:48:24 UTC