Hi everyone. I've only just found this platform, but I lost my Mum on February 1st, from a sudden cardiac arrest due to a blood clot. I'm not sure what I'm looking for from Untangled. But I know that for the past couple of days it's felt more difficult. My family keeps telling me that I'm doing really well. But I'm just not hearing it. It doesn't feel like enough to be doing well. I feel less connected to my family more than ever really. My mum always unconditionally championed me. She never judged the trajectory of the life I want to pursue. And I just don't think my family see that same trajectory I still want to pursue. We just don't click in the same way. I miss things like the in-jokes me and Mum had. But I moved out from my home because I needed more independence. Now I'm hurting and I need support, but I still need that distance. I suppose if I heard the same story under someone else's name - 23-year-old who moved out of the family home for the first time 3 days beforehand after getting a brand new job and didn't properly get to say goodbye - I suppose I should be proud of myself that I've managed to get out of bed every single day and keep going, even after what I'd call a combo trauma - new job no.1, moving out, mum passing, new (and better) job no.2. So many adjustments and changes. My old life doesn't even feel real sometimes - even though it was barely 5 months ago. I think, owing to the childhood trauma that I went through from my dad, I became very good at burying things to keep moving on, believing that I was dealing with it. I'm getting therapy now, which is good. So there are some days I think I'm doing well, but I'm not really sure if I am. Thanks for reading, if you have been. I'm good at rambling at length. Damn, life is rough.
Posted by ConardCod at 2022-06-28 13:27:56 UTC