9 weeks ago I lost the love of my life. My rock, my supporter, my protector, my everything. 9 weeks ago I said goodbye to him as we took him off life support after a heart attack that deprived his brain and organs of oxygen.. the coma, the seizures that followed, his body shutting down.. it all comes in flashes and waves. Sometimes I see an ambulance at night and I’m fine. Other times it’s like I’m transported again to that night we found him, April 20th, and waving the ambulance into the driveway, screaming, begging for them to hurry as my step son did chest compressions. We didn’t know what was happening, we weren’t quick enough, I didn’t know what to do. I could’ve saved his life but I wasn’t fast enough. I blame myself for that day often. No matter how guilty I feel, it doesn’t change the present and I feel at a complete loss. My whole adult life he’s been there. I’m 32 and he would’ve been 47 on May 22. I just miss him so much and after having a mental breakdown tonight I feel so much that I’m back at square one and can’t function without him. I am just so defeated.

Posted by Kimberly at 2022-06-27 05:46:10 UTC