Hi all.. I’m Kim, 28, mother of 2 (6 years old girl, 2 year old boy) and fiancé to my amazing man.. I lose my mum in October 2021, we spoke every day pretty much, I could speak to her about anything and cry, laugh and argue with her, and right now if I’m honest I haven’t accepted it I don’t think, she had her funeral and I have her ashes but can’t bring myself to get her put in an urn, she’s in a lovely box and bag stored away safely, I feel angry, sad, empty, numb, bitter.. all the bad things, I don’t remember when I felt happy, my kids get me out of bed everyday but I find myself just sitting at my dining table in the kitchen, lost, I don’t feel anything towards my mum been gone, and I have no idea why, I don’t know if by brain has blocked it out or what but I feel like I should be anything other than how I feel right now, I’ve seen people grieve and that’s not how I am, I just seem to be floating along each day, I found out on 7th January my Nana passed away and I didn’t feel anything, not sad, absolutely nothing, I feel like my kids especially my daughter who knew her nana (my mum) very well, I feel like she looks at me to show her how to be but how can I be a role model for her when I don’t even know how I should be or feel, I’m angry and I scream and shout every day at the littlest things and I know I shouldn’t but I do, maybe that’s my grief? I want me back, and to just feel happy with life again.. Sorry for the essay and if you got this far thank you for reading..
Posted by Kim at 2022-06-20 11:54:19 UTC