Its 2.28am where I am. I’ve been awake for little over an hour just thinking and I suppose I’m sharing my thoughts here in the hopes of whatever comfort it may bring. If anyone else is awake in the middle of the night, alone with their thoughts and crying … just know that I’m here and you’re not alone. ❤️ I remember about 2 weeks into the first coronavirus lockdown, about April 2020. I was sat in the garden in the searing heat complaining about the fact that we had been stuck in the house for the last few weeks and wanting the whole thing to end. My mental health was already being tested and we were only a few weeks into what would be years of hell. Little did I know that less than a year later, my husband would be dead. Taken from me and our family by the disease I was so casually whinging about. I hate that I didn’t appreciate that time more. I often wish I could go back and embrace being together instead of seeing it as some form of prison. But to me, it really felt like I was stuck. Being banished to the house/garden and isolated away from friends, family and loved ones. I specifically remember on several occasions worrying about spending so much time away from my Nan and wondering if she would make it through the pandemic. She did … and I got to see her again. But she died in December 2021 so it turns out my worries weren’t unfounded, I was just worrying about the wrong thing taking her away. Funny thing is, I never worried about Russ not making it through and he was taken from me anyway. I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate that last year with you. That’s a regret I’ll live with forever. I love you always 💔❤️

Posted by MrsG at 2022-06-17 01:30:52 UTC