My grief is so hard today and has been so hard for me lately. It started hitting me more in September. The pain is unbearable I feel like this year is so harder without my grandfather and aunt who passed away in February 2022 and November 2021, respectively . It’s the anniversary of my aunts death on the 28th and my heartaches so much. I’ve been numb and shut down all day, really slowed down almost to the point where I couldn’t pronounce things very well. Now I can’t stop crying. Last year the family was still grappling with the two losses but this year the grief is more intense. The house has been sold and my family members and I are so disconnected. My aunt and grandfather were my home. My dad lives by himself somewhere in Los Angeles, he was abusive towards me and my sister growing up. My mom left him and took my sister eight years ago and moved away and never had family gatherings with all of them together again. The gatherings we did have were fake, not nurturing, at all. My dad was always in denial. I couldn’t be my authentic self but with my aunt and grandfather I could. They are who I spent my holidays with and now they are gone it. I’ve been getting through it but my grief has intensified this week. It’s hard for me to do my job. I need help and support and I’m turning to this place again because it had been helpful before. I feel alone in my grief, alone because I’m disconnected from family, I can’t be emotionally close with my dad, or my mom. I know need help and will be seeing my therapists next week. I feel so much guilt because I’m always sad and my husband doesn’t know what to do. I feel guilty for feeling sad. He’s never lost anyone significant before.

Posted by classicwillowtay at 2023-11-22 02:55:56 UTC