Iv been silently grieving since january . I dont like to cry in front of people . When i do get emotional i like to be alone so noone can see me so this is fairly new to me. I lost my dad on January 10th , 2022 . He died of the thing he was scared most about which was covid -19 . It breaks my heart everyday . Im so angry and sad . He was always so careful not to catch it. He cared about his health . I didnt live at home . But i did live 20 minutes away by car . So when i visited i saw and heard his breathing , it sounded like he was hyperventilating . I immediatly called the ambulance and one of our last encounters was us fighting because he didnt want to go to the hospital . I asked him , "do you want to die here or get help" . And he said he wanted to die at home . I didnt feel like he was being serious . But those were one of his last words to me before the ambulance took him . That , and he tried to be a little playful and pretend like he was going to punch me in the arm but in a funny "gotcha " way . I told him i'll come see him later in the hospital after i cleaned his room . But then after a few hours the doctor called me and told me its crucial for me to come in . And he died the next morning . I feel like its my fault he passed so quickly . I shouldnt have called the ambulance . Its not what he wanted . I just wanted him to get better . Im so sad . I lost my bestfriend . The only person in the world who really had my back and was always there . He was my angel . I feel so lost . Sometimes like i dont even want to live anymore.

Posted by Mychele Bustamante at 2022-06-15 23:21:38 UTC