I lost my dad to suicide 7 weeks ago but I have grieved him majority of my life. My dad got into an accident at work 23 years ago and he was never the same. He struggled with being addicted to his pain medication and didn’t prioritize being present. Although he was physically in my life he was never there mentally. When my parents got divorced that is when everything changed. Our relationship became more complicated and we drifted apart. It was me who put in the effort to reach out even though he was the parent and should have tried harder to connect with me. There was always an anticipation of him dying through out my childhood due to his health problems. He also had multiple suicide attempts that I recall as a child wondering why he was causing so much pain to himself and to others. When I got the news that he overdosed I felt numb because it was deja vu all over again. I grieved him more in the week he was in a coma than when it was confirmed that he died. All I felt was confusion and somewhat of a relief. I might sound selfish but I encountered too many traumatic moments as an adolescent and I do not want to pretend like everything was fine.

Posted by Mari_B at 2023-11-03 04:44:06 UTC