hi everyone. i’m sadie & i lost my dad on february 26th, a few days before my birthday this year. i hadn’t seen him since before the pandemic. i thought i had more time…so naive…we had been estranged for about 1.5 years. i was getting ready to reach out but wasnt ready yet. he had left a voicemail saying he was having surgery and i had a feeling i should call, but didnt call soon enough. instead, my cousin called me about a week later, letting me know he had a heart attack and passed.. im so upset that i didnt call. that i didnt make an effort to see him. if i had called i would have known he needed me, and i would have been there in a heartbeat.💔😔 im mad at my cousins & aunt for not letting me know what was going on. i’m sure they just wanted to stay out of it, but its a huge deal. they get to sleep at night while i lay awake for the past 8 months wishing i had called and understood what was going on with his health so i could have been there for him. i never ever ever meant for him to die alone. im just so sick about it. disgusted. i feel disgusted with myself. theres no relief. i ruminate about doing things differently, trying to make it right in my mind. over and over. i think the only thing that would help would be some kind of sign, letting me know it’s okay.💔i wish i had found this app sooner, ive really needed a space to share. no advice please thx for reading💔💔💔

Posted by sadi3 at 2023-10-12 03:32:33 UTC