Okay…I lost both of my parents to cancer mum in April of 2012 then dad the day before my 44th birthday in May 2012….it was only a couple of weeks between them. Mum passed of melanoma and dad held on hiding his pain and after not being able to eat anything I took him to emergency to help with grief…only to be told… his under control melanoma had spread, he had lymphoma, prostate cancer and so much more. How was he alive and managing pain with paracetamol…it shocked us both…it was a Monday he died on the Sunday at lunch time… Then there are the relatives, the brother 15 years older, his sons…the wills. To say it was a challenge is … there are no words right now. I have no contact with any relatives…partially my choice, maybe. My brother, got what he wanted, money…and never heard from again…along with his adult children. Mum and dad donated their bodies to science and they never wanted funerals… Mums ashes came back in less than a year…dad, almost 6 years. I have good and bad days. I have tattoos now…very visible and the pain made me feel something… Then my child, the light of their lives, was 7…how our lives changed…but this bone crushing pain of loss The loneliness The isolation I was caring for them daily for 15 years. Our lives were one family unit of 5…we were only minutes away from each other. Then 2 were gone…we have not been able to move, forward or backwards. All this time and we are still lost and lonely with no ideas for how to live, we are rudderless. There is of course more, but this is as much as I can deal with at the moment.

Posted by iamstillchasingrae at 2022-06-08 09:10:22 UTC