My best friend died 4 months ago. I haven't really cried. I haven't really done anything. I am now best friends with her best friend. We found her together. Everyone said she would be fine. Then everyone said she had been depressed for weeks. She hadn't. But know I think she had? Hadn't told us? That us saying it was a bad night is actually us looking after ourselves? Saying we didn't miss anything? But I was with her that night and she was herself. I haven't stopped messaging her. On all platforms. When her phone cut off I had a panic. But nothing else has so I can keep contacting her. Sending her music and photos and memes and voice notes. I don't know if doing that is stopping me from grieving. I feel like if I do grieve, it will be wrong. I was told it was wrong once. But if I grieve for her, I have 4 more in the last 2.5 years to grieve for. Is that too much? Is it easier to keep a lid on it if I am surviving?

Posted by mercedesbrooker at 2022-06-08 06:15:31 UTC