Hi. This is my first post. I am struggling with so much grief of all different kinds. I've had the worst year and a half and now life is settling back down, I'm finding all the grief I couldn't process last year is hitting me like a sledgehammer now. My husband of 12 years left me (for the 3rd time, yep I must've been nuts keep taking that one back) in November 2020. 10 days later, my mum died - he knew she was dying. I couldn't be with her because of COVID and that hurts so much that she was alone. Then my ex said he wanted to start divorce proceedings, which was hard and hurtful. I thought this guy was my soul mate. He was my best friend!? I never had kids but his daughter from another marriage, who I had bought up since she was 3 (her mum sadly died), stayed living in the family home with me and saw him weekends. So he effectively abandoned the 2 of us, not just me. Our beautiful home was going to have to be sold, so we had to go through that. A few months after my mum died, my beloved dog, who was 15, who I'd had since he was 4 weeks old and was literally my best friend, suddenly had a massive seizure and I had to make the decision to let him go. He was literally my saviour in all that was happening in my life. He was always there, he was my best bud. It was such an awful time. I also had 2 parrots that I'd had for 17 years. Yes, I surrounded myself with animals as I never had kids. One of my parrots got a short illness and there was nothing I could do for her and she also had to be put to sleep. Then a few weeks after that, my other parrot who was bonded with me, was caught by a dog I was looking after for a friend - she literally grabbed him off my hand. It was so traumatic to watch. I got my bird off her and took him to the vets immediately but he died, probably due to shock, a couple of hours later. I kind of lost it after all these losses and cried uncontrollably every single day. I felt so lonely in the world. My animals had always been there and were my best friends and now everything I loved, was gone. I felt a tremendous degree of guilt also. The doctor put me on anti depressants and referred me to grief counselling. 2 months after this happened, my dad was found dead, on his bathroom floor by his carer. He had been there at least a couple of days. I laid there with him for 2.5 hours until the paramedics came. I was trying to warm him up :( So much grief and trauma in such a short space of time. We then had to leave our beautiful home and have started renting with a friend. Now life has calmed down and my body isn't on fight or flight constantly, I feel wretched. Like all the grief I couldn't process is coming out now. How could I process the death of my mum when my husband left and wanted a divorce? I can't stop crying. Sometimes it's so overwhelming, I don't know where to turn. I'm sorry this post is so long, but thanks for reading. My heart goes out to anyone grieving right now. It's literally the heaviest emotion :(

Posted by Milly2404 at 2022-04-10 09:05:02 UTC