Hello everyone! I lost my dad suddenly on January 26, 2022. He died of a heart attack in the early hours of the morning at home, after a short 3 years with a congestive heart failure diagnosis. He died just a week and a half after my 24th birthday. He only had one heart attack prior to his death, almost 3 years to the day that he died. I chose not to see his body before having him cremated because I wanted to respect his wishes that he said to me many times in the last 3 years of his life. He wanted me to remember what he looked like alive, and not what his body looked like in death. Because of this, I never got to say goodbye. That is something I’ve been struggling with everyday. I also have not spread his ashes yet, as he wanted them spread at a very specific spot in the mountains that is still too snowy to get to. He was my best friend in the entire world. I lived an hour away from him but I still saw him at least a couple times a month. I also spoke to him at least every few days. I live in Alberta, Canada as well so living an hour away is pretty good here I think. We would cook together, golf together, watch tv together, and laugh together basically whenever we got together (minus golfing in the winter). I grew up not having a very good relationship with my mother so he really played the role of both parents for me and he did an excellent job. He was my go-to person when I needed advice or a shoulder to cry on, and he was there to celebrate all my successes with me. I miss him so much everyday and it’s been tough to live in a world that he’s not in. One thing I’ll always cherish is my last words that I said to my dad, which were “I love you”. The last time I saw him was for my birthday and I gave him a hug and he kissed me on the forehead and we exchanged those words. Our last text message reads the same last words as well. He didn’t even live long enough to see me get married or have kids. It just breaks my heart that he won’t be around for those things. I’ve felt so alone and isolated throughout this and I don’t know anybody whose dealt with such a significant loss at my age. I’m also an only child so I’ve had to go through the entire process alone. I’ve had my long term boyfriend helping me out every step of the way which has been so great, but he will just never fully understand the level of grief that I’m experiencing. I guess that’s why I’m joining this group, so hopefully find some people who have been through something similar at my age and to know that I’m not alone. Thanks for reading! 💕

Posted by Kaelyn.Rae at 2022-06-02 16:44:42 UTC