I lost my mother 6 months ago. It was something that I have prepared mentally for two years, since she got diagnosed. She didn't want any treatment and she specifically asked me to respect her decision. I did, because one of my strong beliefs in this life is that every individual has the right to do whatever they want to their life, no matter what. Of course it was very painful for me and very exhausting because I was the only caretaker she had. I had to manage with a job, 2 dogs and one dying mother. Now that she is gone, 6 months after everything (the last 2 months prior to her death were horror) I feel very lost. We had a twisted relationship, but I loved her and I was her rock during all these years. Nobody understands my grief and I know that it's no one's duty to do that, I am a cronicaly depressed individual with high functionality so everybody thinks that if I don't talk about it or I didn't mourn in a traditional way I am up for everything. But I am not. I am torn apart, exhausted physically and mentally and everything seems so so hard to manage. My feelings, friendships, job, relationship. One week before her death I also lost my dogs that I had for 15 years. Everything happened so fast and though I thought I was prepared, it seems that nothing can ever prepare you for such losses.

Posted by bhusta at 2022-06-01 16:58:46 UTC