Yesterday I moved. Such a simple sentence, yet it holds such profound depth to it. When I told my close friend I'd started looking for a different place to live, she looked me in the eye and said, " Good. Listen to me clearly Claire. You don't need to punish yourself to grieve." Grieving is such a confusing time for many reasons but mostly for many of us because there's no clear path forward. Stay or go? Keep everything or give it away? Never touch their things or use them all the time? The answers to our own self seem to change endlessly, countless times a day making it feel impossible to make any sort of decision. Even something as simple as what to eat for dinner becomes an invitation to a complete and total emotional and physical collapse. Until the pain becomes to great and you reach a knowing within yourself for what is right for you. For me that meant leaving, staying had become excruciating. And I needed to let those other stories go: if I really loved him, how could I leave? If I was a good mom, I would keep all of his things...the stories from other people's perspectives of shoulda and "correct" ways of doing things would go on endlessly and beat us to a bloody pulp if we allowed it. For me, my truth was that I needed to find and create a space where I could rest and heal and begin to build myself into the woman who has the capability of a strong soul relationship with my sons. So I blessed and I released..and I sobbed every step of the way. I moved out yesterday. In one car was my entire life as it exists today. One box of Liam's things. His favorites. One box of my things. My essentials. One box of kitchen things. For sustenance. A trunk full of plants. For life. And in the front seat, a box that held the ashes of my son Liam, the mementos from Miracle's birth, and my Mother's ashes. Beside them rode the carrier holding my new companions for this journey, Posie and Callie, rescue cats from @catconstellationcafe. My whole life in a few boxes. I am no longer a mother to my sons here on Earth, I will forever be a mother to their souls. I moved yesterday. #adayinthelife #grievingmother #childloss

Posted by cepowers1220 at 2022-05-30 10:36:39 UTC