I feel like I’m a bad person sometimes. Sometimes, if I’m being totally honest, I have a hard time being happy for people and their big life events. My boyfriends cousin got married last summer and from the moment we got our invite, to the day after the wedding, I completely bitched and moaned the whole time. I smiled for pictures, got incredibly drunk, and hated every second of it. A few days later it had been 6 months after my mom passed. And it hit me- when it’s my turn, if ever, she won’t be there. She won’t be there for my first born. She won’t be there when we buy a house. She’s gone. I don’t feel her anymore. I don’t see her in my dreams. She’s really gone. I wish the waves of sadness wouldn’t hit me so hard, so often. I’m faking it til I make it. I hate myself for it.
Posted by janette_cyn at 2022-05-23 23:29:54 UTC