Hi everyone. I literally have just downloaded this app so whilst I'm still navigating exactly how to use it, I thought I'd make a first post. I lost my best friend in August of 2020. It's not what the 'typical' perception of a friendship would be seen as to others. Hubert was 86 and I was just 15 at the time. We met when I began caring for his sick wife when I was 12 years old and over four years we bonded, he was this amazing Male figure in my life that I didn't have before. He took me under his wing and accepted me as I am. When Hubert lost his wife, I was there for him, and he was there for me through my sadness at her death. I got to spend 3 whole years with him, seeing him every single week until he was suddenly gone. He hid his sickness from me because that's just who he was, he never wanted me to see him unhappy, its bittersweet to think about at times, I feel sad thinking about what he was going through but I feel a pounce of happiness in my heart that he cared for me that much that a smile would still appear on his face no matter what. Ever since Hubert died grief has taken over my life. A lot of people say to move on, let him go, get over it or they say the generic 'he lived a long life' although I know that, it still doesn't stop the pain because to me it doesn't matter what his age was, he was still someone I loved so much. I already suffered from Depression since before he passed but it's really a lot harder now than ever. Especially since I'm graduating secondary school on Friday and I know he won't be there. I cried myself to sleep all of last night to the point I felt ill today. It's just hard and unfathomable that we can go from seeing someone so much to just being completely surrounded by their absence. I really hate grief, although it really is just love with no place to go, it just holds onto me everyday, the worst part is that it just won't ever leave unless my person was here😕 Sorry for writing so much, I get carried away and just write what comes to my head so I know this is really messy. I look forward to using this app more and I'm grateful for its existence. The picture I've added is of me and Hubert, the last photo we ever took. Again its bitter sweet because only now looking at it, I can recognize how different and deteriorated he looked, yet he still got in the picture simply because he knew it would make me happy.
Posted by clari at 2022-05-17 22:52:55 UTC