My sister Lauren died 5 years ago of mesothelioma. She was only 26; she was one of the youngest cases of mesothelioma her doctor’s had ever seen. She had just had her first child as well, just 6 months earlier. I have such complicated emotions around it all. First, it’s not fair. But loss never is. Second, her husband’s family seemed to take over her care. My sister’s side of the family wasn’t given much (or any) say in her treatment. We live in northern Indiana, and her husband wanted her to get treatment in Houston, Texas. We had to fly for hours to just visit her. I was in college, so I didn’t get to be there with her the 4 months before her death. Third, Lauren’s husband’s family blamed my family for her cancer. Mesothelioma is not a “natural” cancer; it is caused by something. They came to the conclusion that the house she and I grew up on had asbestos and therefore she got cancer. My parents started to blame themselves for her death. It was horrible. Fourth, because of the potential asbestos and blame for the cancer, my parents were not allowed to have contact with Lauren’s 6 month old daughter. Their first grandchild. Fifth… I was caught in the middle while also dealing with my own grief. There was no blame thrust on me for her cancer, so I was allied to see my niece. Which caused some jealousy with my parents. And I turned into “the messenger”. Things are better now between the two families. But it almost tainted our grief? I’m not sure how else to explain it.

Posted by Cgweldy at 2023-03-02 02:44:09 UTC