I lost my partner 31/03/2022 to a sudden heart attack. We were long distance but working towards visa applications. The time we had together I have never felt so loved and cherished. I was on the phone to him and he was laughing and joking then he suddenly felt off. He told me he wanted to sit in his truck for 15 minutes. I knew something was up when he became unresponsive and I had to hang up to try to get 911, but it’s impossible to get through from out of the country. I frantically tried contacting his whole family but it took too long to get through and though they got the ambulance out to him, they couldn’t bring him back. I am utterly devastated. His mother blamed me for not getting an ambulance and though I know she is grieving a part of me believes it is my fault: if I’d realised what was happening sooner maybe I could have gotten help faster. I can’t imagine my life and my future without him. He’ll never hold me again, no more hours and hours on the phone planning our life together. He was here for a month in January and I was going to visit his home next month to meet his family and son then we had everything together to apply for fiancé visa in summer. And now he’s just gone. I can’t get my head around it. I just sit on the sofa wearing his shirt and joggers wrapped in the blanket he bought me and flit between numb shock and overwhelming sadness. He was a vibrant soul so full of laughter, love and life and he put me and my happiness and the plans for our future together at the centre of everything he did. He was my home in a person, finally we thought we’d gotten it right, found our perfect one. It feels so cruel for the universe to give us that gift then rip it away so fast. I just want to bring him back to me.

Posted by KikiGarrett at 2022-04-02 11:20:23 UTC