I lost my Dad suddenly on the 26th of March 2022, 12 days after his birthday and 4 days before mine. He was a healthy 64 year old, who spent the day playing golf before collapsing at home - none of us had any warning or any idea this would happen. He had text me at 7:40pm that evening just to ask what I was up to, and I replied 7 minutes later, little did I know he never even opened the message. We were supposed to have dinner on the 2nd of April to celebrate our birthdays together, but instead I had to call the hotel he was staying at and cancel our dinner reservations. I had to explain to strangers on the phone, and call banks and coroners and florists and funeral directors. My Dad was larger than life (a cliché I know) but he has always been there no matter what, and now I have a hole in my life that I’m not sure will ever be filled or closed. I miss him, and I am still reeling from the shock and questioning how this is real. I am not just mourning his loss, but mourning the future we were supposed to have. I am mourning the next 20 years of our lives, and not just the last month and a half, and I am not sure how or if that feeling will ever fade right now. I am lucky to have friends and family around me, but now that the bubble around me is waning and others are returning to their lives, I can’t help but feel the burden that mine is now irreparably different, and envy those who can return to “normal” again. I know he would not want me to mourn, and he would want me to live my life, but right now I don’t know how to…

Posted by Jamie at 2022-05-11 07:45:17 UTC